Every day for the past 2 weeks has been a battle. A battle to hold on and not let go of God's hand. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and every so often, it rears its ugly head, usually when I am tired and overwhelmed, and makes me feel miserable. Scared. Alone. Lonely. I am not sure what is worse, the panic attacks, the feeling of intense fear and worry ( over everything) or the physical symptoms - stomach issues, including Irritable Bowel Syndrome, crazt headaches, body aches, chest pain, not sleeping well, etc. I have chosen to not use anti anxiety medication, aside from Ativan or Xanax, when I am panicking, for a number of reasons. One being I do not want the side effects, I also do not want to bounce from medication to medication. And the other being that they will not correct the underlying issue.
I believe that God is bigger than this problem, the thing is, in getting myself to this point, I realize I can't get out of it myself, and it is overwhelming. I cannot control every little thing in my life, and I need to let go and let God. That can be scary when you are already feeling fragile. Mornings are the worst part of the day for me, I dread mornings. First thing is when everything in me says "BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID!" If I can get to lunchtime I am doing well! If I can get busy and not think, I feel well. But that gets exhausting, always being busy in order to keep the thoughts from overwhelming me.
At these times it feels God is so far away, it is so hard to hold His hand and keep going. At this point I am holding onto the hem of His sleeve, but it is okay, because He can carry me on His shoulders. There are millions of people who deal with so many more serious issues than me. But in the midst of this, to me, it is serious. It is scary and it makes me feel broken and alone. If you suffer from this, it is important to realize you are not alone.... and you are not crazy. But God is bigger than this, and if you let Him....He will be that glimmer of hope you need to keep taking a step forward.. even if it is a tiny step! Tiny steps will add up to leaps if we just keep going.
Oh gosh, hang in there. He is sovereign, He sees all. Remember, you are loved more than you can imagine. Thank you for sharing and will be praying for you from the other side of the world! xxx
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize you have posted....so sorry you are suffering. Thank you for sharing this personal side but it gives me things to pray about. We both know that God is soverign and I can tell you that....but you already know that....and you know he answers prayer. So I won't tell you that LOL. You are LOVED by a great God who carries you every day just as he carries me...and know that prayers are heaven bound on your behalf. Many hugs dear friend.
ReplyDeleteI just come upon your blog and just wanted to tell you I've had very similar issues that I can remember since I was ateenager. Anyway, I too hate meds and recently learned that I was estrogen dominant and very low on progesterone. I done some digging on my own and learned about research done by Dr John Lee. To make a long story short I went to the vitamin shoppe or GNC, can't remember, and purchased life-flo brand natural progesterone cream. I followed the directions on the bottle and it has made a world of difference for me!
ReplyDeleteJill
Hi Ellie, I will pray for you. it takes me sometime to make my rounds on the blogs but here I am! Thank you for sharing and for fighting. I prayed for someone's serotonin levels to balance out when she was desperate. God did help. I respect your not wanting to take meds. May God abundantly bless and keep you and shine His face upon you and grant you rest....Blessings to you Ellie.
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