A break now and then is a good thing!

A couple of weeks ago, my sweet hubby and I dashed off for a couple of days on a belated anniversary getaway ( we celebrated our 25th anniversary in August).  We realized, aside from our trip here together to sort out houses when we moved to Nova Scotia, we had not been away on our own, without kids, for over 13 years!  That is crazy, really.  But we love our kids and love being with them, and really didn't think much about getting away. 

Well, I am so glad we did!

  We couldn't decide on going to the Valley ( Annapolis Valley) or the South Shore.  After much research, and humming and hawing, we decided to head to Mahone Bay (South Shore), a beautiful small town, about an hour away from us.  It is truly a breathtaking, gorgeous place, with wonderful old homes, nice little shops and restaurants, amazing scenery and friendly people.

Two of the famous three steeples in Mahone bay.

 

 

Corgi Cottage....perhaps named after Tasha Tudor's Corgi Cottage?

 

 

I fell in love with this house, the character it has, the wooden door on the front..dreamy!!

We stayed at an awesome bed and breakfast, named Heart's Desire , owned by a wonderful couple from England who fell in love with the area and moved here in 2011.  They actually visited Nova Scotia in 2008, stayed at the bed and breakfast, and were blessed enough to buy it and return to run it!  How great is that!?

We booked the Garden Hideaway, a small cottage in the backyard of the main house.  It was charming and wonderful and oh so quiet!  We had a kitchenette, which worked well for us.  Dealing with anxiety, sometimes just a quiet spot is what I need, and yes, believe it or not, sometimes the thought of eating with other people, or going to restaurants overwhelms me totally.  A quirky thing, maybe, but common with anxiety.  I immediately decided we were moving in and that was that, what a wonderful place!  And Denise and John are so wonderful, warm and welcoming.  John is HILARIOUS, he had me laughing constantly!  If you ever get the privilege of visiting Mahone Bay, this is the best place to stay.  It is the best place I have stayed when we have gone away.

 

 

 

 

Our cozy cottage!

We were only away two days, but spent that time antiquing and searching out old treasures, things which have a history and a story to them.  I hit the jackpot in button jars.  Oh how I love button jars, button boxes, piles and piles of old buttons.  I got several jars.  Some were very old, some were cut off clothing to be saved and used again, the material still attached.  Devin and I had the best time sorting through and admiring each one.  It reminds me of the button tin my Nanna used to have, and the fun I had rummaging through and sorting them into colours and patterns.

You know, we are a lot like buttons in a jar...each one different, each one unique in some way.  Yet we all are the same in ways also, each one of us has a job to do ( as a button does), and each one of us is beautiful and intricate.  All put together in this big jar, the jar called life.  ( That is my deep thought for the day!)

My winter clothes bin is now a huge whitewashed wooden trawling bucket, used to keep fishing nets in.  I don't have a photo of that one yet, but it is great! 

And beaches!  We went to Crescent Beach, a beach  that stretches out forever when the tide is low, and you can actually drive on the beach!  We found some awfully unusual fish stranded in little tide pools and puddles, which I have not identified yet.

 

Crescent Beach, sand, sea, sky, sunshine, beauty!

 

 

 

I have no clue what this fish is, but in his case "Just keep swimming" was not working.  We rescued him and sent him on his way.

 

 

 

Tide pools.

 

 

 

Slow and steady wins the race!

Then we drove 5 minutes and went to Risser's Beach, not nearly as long as Crescent Beach, but it had a boardwalk through a saltmarsh and it was glorious and hot!

 

Boardwalk at the salt water marsh.

 

We then went to the LaHave Bakery and a small craft co operative and yet another antique shop, where we bought a broken sword fish blade for Devin's museum, and more buttons.  We hitched a ride on the LaHave cable ferry, a 5 minute sail across the LeHave River (it is a tidal river), and then on to Hirtle's Beach.

 

Here we go on the ferry!  ($5.50 one way, saved us over half an hour!)

We could have walked Hirtle's Beach for hours.  I could have happily lived there under the boardwalk until the cold snowy weather set in.  It was windy, warm and so sunny. The ocean makes me feel good, free, a place where I do not think.  Where every rock turned over has the potential to find a treasure, and every crashing wave drowns out all other noises, negative thoughts, fear.  Salt water is a great healer for many things, including your mind!

 

Hirtle's Beach, where open ocean meets the Nova Scotia shore.

 

 

 

Sure hope this doesn't erode quickly!

 

 

 

 

Old and creaky and wonderful!

We headed back to our cottage, walked to the local deli (Jo-Ann's Deli Market and Bake Shop), enjoyed a light supper, went for a walk and went mackerel fishing, just across the road from the B and B.  We caught 3, mine was the biggest! And all the old men at the other wharf looked on, as they were not catching anything.  We saw a stunning sunset, and moonrise wow, we are blessed with beautiful sunsets here in Nova Scotia!

 

Love this deli and bakeshop!

 

 

Moonrise on the first evening.  Just across the street from the B and B.

 

 

 

An opera sunset ( if you like watercolour painting, you will know what opera is!), and this is the moon rising!

The next day, we decided to visit Lunenburg before we headed home. First we stopped at a small fishing village called Blue Rocks.  Let me honestly tell you...Peggy's Cove PALES in comparison to the beauty of this village!!  We had lunch in Lunenburg in a small park by the harbour and then went searching for sea glass.  We hit the jackpot, although most pieces had not had the benefit of being swished around in the waves and surf of the open ocean, and was quite rough still.  We found some interesting pieces!

 

Fish shed in Blue Rocks.

 

 

 

Blue Rocks.

 

 

 

Really neat art shop, you pay on the honour system.  Great wooden items and carvings!

 

 

 

I found a bottle stopper!!

 

 

 

Sea glass from Lunenburg.

 

 

 

The traditional Lunenburg bump!

It was such a refreshing time away, and my kids were happy and content here at home, with my daughter and son in law and grandson keeping things running. ( Well, our grandson HAD everyone running, he is a busy 7 month old!)  My hubby and I realized we are letting the busyness of life get more of a grip on us than we want and enjoyed just being together, and that was awesome!

 

 

 

If it has been awhile since you have been away with your hubby or wife, make the effort to go away, even if it is just in your town or city, even if it is just for one night.  It is so worth it! 

The Mask I Wear

Well.  I sit here looking out over the garden I just tucked in to bed for the cold winter season approaching more quickly than I would like to admit.  There are a few stragglers hanging in, some sunflowers and Jerusalem artichoke, and one sad little bird house gourd who really got a late start on things, and is not likely going to get much bigger than a teacup. 

I got out in the fresh air today because I could no longer stand being in my own skin, and needed a diversion to stop thinking, the fresh air to clear the cobwebs from my mind, the exercise to tire me out so I can sleep, and the sunshine to warm me, to show me that I can be happy and I am still me.  Because me has gotten a bit lost in the busyness of life.

I try to be very transparent on my blog, what you see is generally who I am.  No glitz, no glamour.  I blog when I can and when I feel like I have something to say.  Most people would think I have it all together, and I am happy ( which I truly am inside) and can do lots of things and do them all well.  But that is so far from the truth.  I have an anxiety disorder called Generalized Anxiety Disorder ( GAD for short).  I have mentioned it before.  And yes... I am a Christian, but that does not mean we are immune to depressing, fear and anxiety, it is still a daily struggle for some. 

So where does the mask come in.   Well, it can be very easy to hide this from most people, I do not share this with many, because first of all, GAD makes no sense to me.  Irrational fear,  depression, constant worry about EVERYTHING ( and I do mean everything!), anxiety, panic attacks, avoiding situations, and the physical symptoms I struggle with every single day at some point.  But I don't let a lot of people know when I am struggling with this, it tends to come at times of stress, little sleep and hormone issues, because first of all, it is embarrassing, and people don't understand it.  People can be cruel and mean, saying things like "Suck it up" or "Get over it", or "You should be thankful that....fill in the blank ( you have a family that loves you, etc). 

What I need, what I want, is for someone to take the time to say "It is okay", or "You are just fine" or "What can I do to help?"  Because it is hard for me to convince myself of this at times.

I do not choose to feel this way, if it was that easy to "just get over it" I would not be feeling this way.  I exhaust myself keeping busy, to keep my brain from thinking  The busier I am the less likely I am to think on things, and most physical symptoms go away. I try to always be doing something.  Though, I can go to the seashore and that is one place where the wind and the waves drown out the thoughts in my head.  The computer and Google can be my worst enemy!

It is an isolating and lonely sickness ( I believe it is a sickness).  If I am struggling with anxiety as I am now, it is easy to just try and hide out.  I prefer to ride this out and let it pass, but it is hard when you feel like you are on your own. it tends to depersonalize you and make you feel like you are alone, and well, trapped in your own body. That is how it feels to me.  Like "Horton Hears a Who" I am yelling, "I'm here, I'm here!", when I feel like I am being swallowed up by waves of fear or panic.

I do go to counselling with a great doctor on a regular basis and I do take meds when needed, all which help.  More sleep would help even more!!  As would cutting out more sugar. ( Does chocolate count as sugar, surely not??!!)

This is hard on my family as well.  When things are good, I am rested, and I am handling things well, I am like any other person.  I can cope, I can make decisions, I can go out where I want and eat what I want.   When I am in this GAD funk, it is worse in the morning, and it is super hard to get out to do things, to eat to even breathe.  So I try to get out for a walk and moving and getting the blood flowing, and that helps a lot.  This week has been hard to even do that.  Then at night, it starts all over again, because it is quiet and I have time to think. Now that it is dark early, and we live out in the boonies, it is not as enticing to be out walking.

My family, my hubby and kids are a huge support and know how I work.  They know me and know me well.  There are others who think they know me, who think they know what is good for me, and what they really want is to control me.  It is crummy when those people are in your own family.    The people who really care, who really are my friends, know my heart and know me, the real me, the me behind the mask.

Anyway.....this is where my heart is tonight.  You know, as much as I hate living with GAD, it has helped me in many ways to be stronger, to be more compassionate and to help people more.  So many people struggle with anxious thoughts, panic and depression, and I am happy to be able to help people to come out from behind the mask.  Sometimes, it is just harder to do for yourself.