When you don't "fit".

I don't fit.  It is absolutely true.  And usually, I am okay with it.  Maybe I am just tired.  Mostly I am overwhelmed.  I put things onto my shoulders that do not need to be there ( unlike the yoke of Jesus, which is easy and light...the yoke I put on my own shoulders, the yoke I have made for me) is heavy, and awkward and does not fit.  It rubs and irritates and makes everything hard and unwieldy. It is always painful when something does not fit.  Shoes for example, if they are a poor fit, they give you blisters which take some time to heal.  They rub and make you limp and you wonder if it is better to walk on that gravel in those tight shoes or barefoot across the jagged rocks. Don't even get me started on a bathing suit that doesn't fit.....things creeping up, popping out, digging in...then when you actually make your way into the water, it is even worse.  Sometimes things loosen up, and you end up falling out, bands slipping and loosening, with the backside of the suit hanging down around your knees. 

It is not a good feeling when something doesn't fit.

It is not a good feeling when you feel like you don't fit or belong, which I have been feeling for a while.  Truthfully, when I was young I didn't "fit" because I have red hair and freckles. Then I didn't fit because my dad died in an accident when I was 13 and that made things very awkward, difficult and lonely.

We home school, and that doesn't fit with the norm.

All this has not really bugged me.  But now, I guess it does.  It is a lonely and difficult feeling to know that unless you go to great lengths to be someone you are not, you will not fit in.  I am me...and I have no desire to change to suit someone else.  I do not fit in my church, it is a big church, with groups that stick to themselves, and I try to talk to people.  It is hard when you are shy, and when you have come out of a church that can only be described as cult like.

It is certainly hard when you don't fit with your family, siblings and parents, because you will not let them control and manipulate you

I am a home body, I like to be at home, with my family.  I like to go out, of course, but my happy place is in my home.  I do not take my kids and enroll them in every sport going, I believe that we need the down time.  This is rather unpopular with a lot of people who feel you are sheltering your kids. 

And then there is anxiety and fear.  Neither one of which is going to help you fit in.  I guess I am just trying to sort this out and writing it out will help me.  Maybe I have had too much time to think about this the past week or so.  Maybe because I have neglected my quite times.  Truly the only person you need to ever fit with is God. I don't know why this is bothering me tonight.  But it is getting on my nerves!  I am going to post this, at least for tonight, and then decide whether I want to keep it up, or it spurs me on write more....

I like this quote....