Bullying Happens in Church Too

This has been on my heart this week.  Truthfully, longer than a week, but today it has been eating away at me and I thought I will just plonk my thoughts down somewhere, and that might as well be my blog.

What is a bully?  Here are several definitions:

According to Oxford Dictionaries  a bully is "A person who uses strength or influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker"

Free Dictionary defines a bully as "a person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people"

Thesaurus.com uses the following synonyms/antonyms to describe a bully -

oppressor, tormentor, intimidator, browbeater, antagonizer, victimize.

You can watch most TV shows and many, many movies, and there are bullies in them.  Examples....Karate Kid, any movie with superheroes in it, Little House on the Prairie ( who can forget Nellie?), and Downton Abbey ( I am just starting to watch that...there are more bullies than peaceful people on that show I think!)

I have been bullied, I have  bright red hair, freckles and glasses, and growing up was hard being teased and called "Carrot Top", or "Red" and even "Ginger".  My nephew is being bullied and teased in school, and no one at the school seems to care about helping him. 

People are bullied at their jobs, a friend of mine just had her lunch and the container it was in stolen from the workplace fridge.  She has only worked there a handful of days! Yes, this person may have needed the food, but it is most likely bullying the new person on the job and intimidating them. 

Now where would you think you could go and NOT be bullied?  Would you think church?  I guess that should seem logical and true, after all, aren't all Christians, especially in leadership, kind hearted, encouraging and putting God first?  Oh how wrong that is in many, MANY cases. 

I have had the unpleasant experience of being bullied in church, and you know, there are still people going there who do not realize they are, in fact, being bullied.  How so, you may be wondering?

These are all, in my experience and opinion, examples of how people, specifically leadership ( pastors, etc) prey on people through bullying:

-tell you that "God has told me to tell you that you are sinning, ( insert your own here...not being faithful enough, need to be doing more, etc) and wants you to know that you need to fix this, etc etc"  This is done in a superior way in which the other person believes they are chosen by God because they seem to be on a higher level than you, they are smarter than you, have more training than you, etc.  Or the ever popular "God showed me in a dream that you need to be doing this, or fixing that, or this is going to happen to you, etc)

-use you as an example in a sermon ( yes...this has happened to me, it has happened to my daughter as well..in her case, because we do not believe that we needed permission from church leadership to tell our child who she may or may not be courted by)

-telling you that if you leave the church, you will lose your salvation

-telling you that the reason your life is so off track is that you do not believe enough, have enough faith, worship emphatically enough, raise your hands, speak in tongues, cry enough, etc

-prey upon something you struggle with, ie...anxiety, or fear, and make you feel that God will not accept you or love you unless you are perfect.  They may believe they ARE perfect and never sin ( oh they used to...but not any more!)  but not one of us is perfect in any way, shape or form. 

-demand your money, without any explanation as to what this money is being used for.  Telling you that God will bless you with riches beyond your wildest dreams for being faithful to give, and if you can't afford to give, you better borrow it so you don't miss out on your blessings.  Telling you that you are sinning if you don't give the money.

-talking to the congregation behind your back, through phone conversations, visits to people's homes, etc, telling everyone to shun you because you are not conforming to THEIR version of how YOU should be

-controlling what you watch on TV, what music you listen to, who you hang out with and what clothes you wear.  Having to get the approval of the "powers that be" in the church for such things -  even how you wear your hair.

-telling the church that they are the only church who has it right, and refusing to help anyone who really needs it.

-sermons that are screamed at you.  I am not talking sermons that are hard to hear because they are tough...I am talking being yelled at, pointed out, singled out to answer a question, shouted at for not saying "amen" to every point that is made.

-that you need to do what they say, because God is speaking to them about you and they know what is best for you.

Do I need to go on?  I don't think so.  What is even worse is when the leadership has people so controlled that they will go so far as to use social media to hurt and make comments that are pointed and directed at you, or someone else. And they will use other people, people who you thought were your friends to do this.  Cyber bullying.

If you are being bullied in any situation, you need to find the strength to stand up and get help.  if you are being bullied in your church, and the leadership are the ones bullying you...you need to take a stand and find a new church home, a church where the true Word of God is taught and more importantly lived out by example by the leadership.  GOD IS NOT A BULLY.  He is not mean, He is not cruel, He does not manipulate or manhandle anyone.  He gives each and every single one of us free will to choose.  He sent His Son to die for us, that is how much He loves us. He sent His Holy Spirit to be a helper for us, to speak to us, give us direction, to be a voice for us when we don't know what to say.  And he does not require an interpreter...He speaks directly to us.  He is a gentleman and a loving Father.

It is so important to be reading God's Word every single day, to ground ourselves in his truth and how He sees us.  To have the strength to say no to the bullies and to hold God's hand and do what He asks...not anyone else's opinion of how we have to do things.  It is God who matters here, not bowing and scraping to the bullies who are only out for control and manipulation.

What does God think about bullies?  People who manipulate and deliberately control and  cause harm to His children?  I believe it is very clear throughout the Bible what He thinks.... but this verse sums it up nicely.....

Mark 9:42 - New international Version

 “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea."

It is important to remember that as Christians, we will not be without troubles in this world, and we will be persecuted and ridiculed for our beliefs. God did not promise us a life of ease and luxury, we can expect to be teased, mocked, and yes bullied.  Even bullied in our own churches by people who claim to be Christian and to love and care for us. 

2 Timothy 3:12-13

"In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,  while evildoers and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived."

Pray....just as Jesus did, every single day.....And meditate on Scripture.  Learn and see how God truly sees you and values you!