New Year....new posts!

That blog break was much, much longer than I thought.  I miss blogging and I dearly miss my blogging friends!  It is time to start up again!  I am just working out some details on how this can flow more smoothly for me ( spending less time on Facebook for one) and stays enjoyable.  Anyone out there remember me?

Let's start off with some photos, to dust them off and make sure I still know how to do this!

I am now a Grammy to two!  Timothy was born early April!  Nathan was not sure what to think of this new little bundle coming home with him.  I just love these little men!

I was there the moment Timothy was born and my daughter did such an amazing job through her labour and delivery.

Sunny, cold walk at Martinique Beach, Nova Scotia's longest beach ( 5 km long)

Timothy with his proud Grancha, on a nice autumn hike.

A quilt an amazing friend made for me!!  She made it for ME!!  I treasure this!

Kisses at the lighthouse with my number 1 grandson! We are best buds, he and I!

For Today

I have been trying to figure out what on earth is going on with my bog.  I did the my first daybook entry in several months last week, and when I had it all finished, my template went all haywire on me.  I redid it all, and it was okay. Today I did as I usually do, copied out the prompts, and it is all crazy again!  So I am just going to give you all a little photo update of what is going on in my corner of the world!  I hope to get this all figured out soon!  In the meantime.....

My son and daughter made these amazing cherry cheesecake  cookies this week, which we found in 12 Days of Christmas with Six Sisters' Stuff. Robyn made the cherry pie filling with cherries picked from her hubby's parent's tree.  YUMMY!

Homemade laundry detergent tabs!  I use one for a small load and two for larger ones, and they are HE washer friendly!

I usually use Nellie's laundry soap which I buy online in a huge, giant bucket from Costco, for $100.00.  I split it with Robyn and it lasts me well over a year.  I am just about out, and it is not in my budget right now to order it, and Robyn doesn't need any yet, so I decided to make my own for now.  I absolutely LOVE Nellie's, I highly recommend it!  But I am giving this a whirl, and tried it out today and it seems to work GREAT.  My clothes are soft and clean, and this is quite a cost savings!  I found the recipe HERE.

We drove up to the valley yesterday, to see the eagles at Eagle Watch.  A few years ago, we saw hundreds of bald eagles sitting in the trees and fighting over the chicken carcasses that the farmers put out for the eagles, who struggle to find food at this time of year.  But this year, they were not eating the chickens, and we only saw 8 eagles!  I am not sure why, but maybe it is because the weather is milder this winter.

We decided to drive to Hall's Harbour, just a few minutes away from where we were watching the eagles, to do some beach combing before the tide came in. It comes in very quickly on the Bay of Fundy, which has the highest tides in the world, so we had our eye on the ocean the whole time.

My son in law watching the waves crash on the shore.

Boys will be boys!  My son in law throwing rocks at one of the waterfalls.

Nathan, my grandson, and I.  He was scared of the roaring waves and the wind, but soon cheered up once we started collecting rocks.

Huge craggy cliffs.

Devin, the rock hound, found a very nice red buoy, some amethyst, agate, quartz and some rocks we suspect are geodes. 

Remember I said boys will be boys?  Here is my hubby throwing rocks now....

Throwing rocks into a nice puddle on the rocks, the ocean was a little too wild!

Fish shed at the lobster pound.

I love old windows!

It was a really nice day, the weather has warmed up and we have a nice thaw going on.  Thankfully the snow is not as bad as last year, and I hope it stays that way!  

This is just a short post today, thanks for reading ( and I will be stopping by blogs this week to get caught up!)

The Simple Woman's Daybook for January 25th, 2016

 For Today, Monday January 25th.

I think I am back!  That has been a very long blogging break, too long.  I have wanted to write for so long, but just didn't know how to start or what to write.  So here I am a new start today with the daybook, which may be edited as to how much time I have to answer questions!

I am beginning to heal as I walk this journey of anxiety and depression,thanks for your prayers, emails and encouragement!  I have popped by to visit many of you, but have not left comments because sometimes, I have not known what to say.  But I have been praying for many of you! I have been sorting out my own life and mind and kept to myself.  I am hoping to change that now!  I am still feeling just sort of, fragile, I guess is the only word that comes to mind. 



Managing a smile...that is progress!



So, on with today!

Outside my window...It is a cold, sunshiney, beautiful day!  It was -8 Celsius when I got up this morning, but it is warming up to -2 I think.  So far, we have not had nearly the amount of snow we had last year, thankfully!



Beautiful frosty morning!

I am thinking...About what on earth my dogs are barking about, there is no one in the driveway, and no deer or critters in the yard. Ebony will bark at anything that grabs her attention!



Mixie prefers to snooze in the sunshine.




Ebony loves to bounce around like Tigger and play in the snow!

I am thankful...For friends, in real life and in the world of blogdom!  I am especially thankful for my pals PAULA and AMY, who have encouraged me, stood by me and picked me up when I have had some really hard days of doubting myself,and have been quite overwhelmed.  I still have to wade through those days, but it is much better with friends!

I am wearing...jeans and a black T Shirt.

I am creating...A mess in my kitchen, baking bread and muffins.



Devin loves this bread ( link to recipe below)


I am going...To be a Grammy again!  My daughter and son in law are due with their second baby in early April.  Tomorrow we are off to a prenatal appointment, and we will take Nathan, my soon to be two year old grandson with us.  We are so excited!



Nathan will soon be two years old, I can hardly believe it!



He is so sweet, funny and cuddly!



I am wondering...How long it will be before I feel fully recovered from the dental surgery I had last Tuesday.  I had two teeth pulled, thankfully on the same side of my mouth, one above the other, which makes it easier to eat ( or open my mouth, smile, drink anything...)  They were failed root canals.  It was an awful experience even though I was sedated.  I felt all the pain of the needles and the digging and removal of one tooth, but I was so out of it I could not let the surgeon know! I am convinced he sewed himself up a hammock in there, I have so many stitches. This did nothing to improve my dental phobia, but I am thankful it is over.

I am reading...I am working on reading through Deuteronomy right now, and wow, Numbers just about did my head in!  I am reading many different things, I have a stack of cookbooks I am reading, one of the best ones I have read and would like to order is THE HOMEMADE PANTRY, by Alana Chernila.  It is really great for making your own pantry staples from scratch.

I am hoping...To sleep better at night, my sleeping habits leave a lot to be desired.  The medication ( Cymbalta) I take for depression helps, but then I find myself wide awake at 4:00 AM.  I have been diffusing essential oils at night and that helps a bit.

I am learning...That it is NICE to not have negative thoughts coursing through my mind constantly, day and night, and that it has become a bit easier to push them out.  Every day is different, of course.  I also cannot do anything without God, even if I try to push Him away, He is stronger than I am and He will not be shoved aside!



Winter sunset on the ocean.


In my garden...My garden is happily snoozing right now!  We did lose about 10 trees in a storm a couple of weeks ago, most were dead and needing to come down, some were washed right out of the ground in the snow melt and rain.



One tree down.





Just a wee bit floody!

In my kitchen...I am baking THIS BREAD, ( it is my go to bread recipe now, it is yummy!), blueberry muffins and anything I can eat right now that does not involve a lot of chewing.




Yummy!!!  And it makes great sandwiches!


In the homeschool room...We took much of last week off as I slowly started to recover, and today we are late starting, grr!  I am not a fan of doing school after lunch, as our minds wander, but that is the way it will be today.



Devin built this LEGO model for a LEGO competition at our local museum, he makes the most amazing creations!



A favourite quote for today...I just LOVE this!  Remember, the people in your life who encourage you, pick you up when you can't do it yourself, pray for you, make you giggle and make you feel good about yourself, they need to be taken care of too.  Sometimes, they need it even more.




A peek into one of my days...



We went for a frigid but wonderful walk to Martinique Beach, it is Nova Scotia's longest beach, at 5 km long.  We hardly saw anyone, and we collected sand dollars and shells.









One of my favourite things...The first walk down the trail after a nice snowfall of light, powdery, sparkly snow.



I am taking part in the Simple Woman's Daybook, you can visit THIS LINK to participate or read what others have written.

Thanks for visiting!

The right decision.

I decided, after totally breaking down on Sunday, physically, emotionally and Spiritually, and after getting myself to a very thoughtful and caring doctor at the clinic where my doctor is, I needed to make a change.  I cannot live under this cloak of fear and anxiety and worry anymore.  It is making me sick.  It is making me grumpy. It is stealing my joy and my peace.  It is stealing me. 

 

 I decided to go on medication to help me cope with this without it consuming me and controlling my life. I am still sick with this virus ( the sinus infection was causing my tooth to hurt, it is not infected but it does need to come out, once I feel better I will get that and two wisdom teeth out, so I am asleep when they do it), and really just could not cope with everything. 

I don't sing anymore.  I rarely laugh out loud anymore. Not many people know I deal with an anxiety disorder ( which is now including a dose of depression too), because I can hide it very well. I write about it here, but in real life, people don't really know how bad this is.  I can't hide anymore.

I started medication on Sunday, and it takes a month to six weeks to work, and it is a rough go so far.  I am tired, so tired I can barely get out of bed.  I force myself up because I have a hubby to get off to work,  children to look after, chickens to be fed, dogs to be let out, etc... I feel queasy, zero appetite,  I feel shaky and I feel uncertain that I am ever going to feel like me again.  Or even human again.  The anxiety is still there, lurking underneath.

 

(By the way...this guy was very stupid and is lucky he did not get washed into the sea...do not ever do this!)

But through all of this, I am so thankful God walks this walk with me, I don't walk it alone.  He is gentle and understanding, even when I have felt He is far away.  I wish I did not have to take meds, but I believe that God has been nudging me more and more that there is something out of whack in my body ( serotonin) and it has been since I was little.  My mom, brother, and grandmother have all been anxious people.

 

 

My original title for this post had a question mark behind it.  I have to keep reminding myself this IS the right decision, at least for a time, to give my mind a rest, and to rest more in God, and physically as well. Staying up late and getting up early just doesn't work well for this girl!  I need to let some things go and grab on to others, and that has to start now! For now, I need to keep moving forward a day at a time, and put my hope and trust in God who is unfailing in His love, even when sometimes, we don't always feel it or recognize it.

Friday Letters

Dear Week that Was......It sucked!!!  I have been sick all week, two doctor appointments, antibiotics and incredible brain fog that will not leave, and now, a tooth infection possibly. 

 

Dear Dentist....I have to come see you on Monday.  I am terrified.  You are very encouraging and great, but I am so scared I cannot eat or sleep and have nightmares.  Everyone think I am stupid and a big wimp.  I paid a lot of money to have a root canal done on this tooth, it was fixed and now it seems like it has gone south.  Now it will be time for this tooth to go.  Plus as you keep reminding me, all 4 wisdom teeth.  I can't write about this anymore.

 

Dear  Generalized Anxiety Disorder....You are back again.  Only bigger and with more side effects.  No one here seems to understand this.  God does not want me to be this afraid.  And here I am again. Disappointing Him and me. I am His child, I should not be afraid.  To the point where leaving the house is hard. And I wake up in the morning crying, and can't eat or focus.   I can't take this much longer.  Maybe it is just bad because I am hormonal, plus sick and exhausted. I am scared of everything.  Including taking this antibiotic in case I get any stomach side effects, which makes me even more crazy.  I can encourage others with anxiety issues, but I cannot lift myself up.  That is pretty stupid!

 

Dear Search Engine I will not name but starts with G and sounds like Woogle ( what is a woogle?)..... I am not longer allowed to search for side effects or symptoms.  Period.  When I do, that makes me even worse.  HAPPY THOUGHTS, I need happy thoughts!

 

Dear Chickens.... Are you going to lay eggs sometime?  Because if not, you might have to sleep with the chickens in the freezer! 

 

Trying to think happy thoughts, trying to stay focused on God.....not doing great.  Faith like a mustard seed, I can do that can't I?

 

To read other letters, guaranteed to be more uplifting than this one is today, please visit PAULA'S BLOG.