Honour and respect

In church the past couple of weeks, we have been listening to a series on honour. We spent a good deal of time contemplating honouring those in authority over us, such as presidents and prime ministers. We also talked about honouring our spouses, and showing respect in how we treat our parents and our children. It has been an eye opener for me, as I always thought I was fairly good at the whole honour thing. But God has laid it on my heart, that I have drastic room for improvement, most of all in honouring my children, my husband but most especially, my Father in Heaven.

I was up a lot last night due to this IBS I am suffering with. Right now, it has been really bad, and there are various reasons why. Most of them are because I am full of anxiety, worry and fear. I am not honouring God, or myself if I let this creep into my heart and my very being. I am saying in my heart "Thanks God, but I really don't need you". Ugh!! I need Him for everything!! And most importnantly, I want Him for everything too!!

Clearly, this attitude is making me sick. And I need to be well. I need to be able to go out with my family and not be worried about where bathrooms are, or what I can and cannot eat. I need to get proper rest, and I haven't been. I need to spend time with my God every day, not because I have to, but because I want to. I know He loves to share in everything that I do, no matter how small. I know He wants me to sit in His lap and share my heart with Him. And I haven't been. I have been all prickles and thorns!

I have school planning to get started and done, and I want this to be a successful year. The past couple of years have been hard. I have elected to not honour God by including Him in my school plans, and have done what I thought we needed to do. That is a recipe for disaster (and if anyone would like that recipe, just ask me, I have it down pat!) I have prayed and prayed for God to touch my children's hearts, and just realized that goodness, it is MY heart that needs to change! I need to do what God wants and honour Him in that, and then the rest will fall into place.

I have been very worried about this, as now I need to register with the school board here, and my kids are behind, Jeremy is embarrassingly so. That is another post... I have had sleepless nights over this, and I am spinning my wheels, but I don't have to, if I listen to God and let Him direct my school. I really should know better by now! I often listen to what everyone else is doing for school and try to follow that. Well, that pretty much says,"Don't worry God, I have this under control, my control, see ya later!" How hounouring and loving is that? He never says," I just don't have time for you Ellen, I have many more important things to do with my time", to me, and that is AFTER I have disrespected Him!

I have not honoured my children. Jeremy has gotten himself into some hot water, I really cannot divulge it here, but it is a heart issue. Devin at time rules the roost. I am often late with meals, and have not planned well in this area. My house is clean, but disorganized. Why? Because I have not bothered to listen to God and gone about this all in my own power. I have not hounred Him, or my husband or my family. I spend the day wondering what needs to be done, how I have no time to do it, how I sometimes don't want to do it, blah blah blah! I spend too much time on the computer, looking into the lives of others and wondering why I can't measure up. Why I can't have a huge blog with all sorts of stuff on it that everyone wants to read, etc.

Goodness, I don't care who reads my blog! I do enjoy it, but when it comes down to it, this is my real life and I can't escape it by living in blog land! And I certainly can't do anything without my Daddy carrying me on His shoulders. When I am spending the better part of my day wondering what to blog about and how to make it better and how to be like everyone else, that is wrong, and not honouring anyone, including myself!

So, all this rambling about is leading to some serious decisions for me. God has led us to Nova Scotia and I need to start making my home a nest, a haven and a peaceful place for my family. Under God's leadership! I need to have a school plan which honours my kids and their strengths and weaknesses, and I need to get Christ back in our home, first and foremost. I need to get feeling better, sleep more and eat better. We need routine and a schedule. And I need to spend less time in blog land and more time in prayer and in spending time with Jesus. Because I miss sharing my every thought with Him! Even the really goofy ones!

I am not planning on deleting my blog, and I will still be floating around and visiting. However, I am going to be taking a rest and a break to get myself back on track and be the wife and mom my husband and kids deserve. And to be the daughter that honours her Father.